Someone get me off this fucking roller-coaster!
So if I haven’t told you before, my Mom’s not good these days. Which worries me, for a couple of reasons. First and foremost, because I don’t want to lose my Mom. Who does, honestly, right? And secondly, because I have no clue where I’ll go or what I’ll do.
She just has no strength anymore…getting up out of bed requires help, and walking requires walker. Let me tell you, this isn’t my Mom. Neither is her damn near breaking into tears at the my selfish angry outburst today. My Mom’s tough as nails, in your face, take no shit, just tough. She always says I’m her rock, but really I just try to be like her.
Today was pretty much the final straw for me I think, in that there’s not much more I can take. See, over three weeks ago, I took her to the E.R. because she was so weak she staggered across the parking lot of our favorite restaurant. (if you’ve been reading you knew that). What you didn’t know, was she was in the hospital for a week, came home for two days, before I had to take her back up for the same problem.
This time when they discharged her, they discharged her to rehab at the local nursing home. Lemme tell ya, that damn near killed both she and I. You see, I have made vehement promises that she would not go into a nursing home on my watch. In retrospect, I know now that I was being naive about it, because now, she’s been home a day…not even a full day, and she’s back in because she fell last night and now she’s scared to get out of bed on her own.
Scared? My Mom isn’t scared of anything…the very thought it foreign to me. I guess we all have this indestructible image of our parents. I’m just trying to deal with life with this new Mom, the one that is dependent on everybody, and has to ask for help for things I take for granted.
